Breaking Sad

The seconds, minutes, hours, days, and weeks, have now pushed measuring our grief in months.  He was here, existing, living, laughing, and an actual person that was really important in my life...and suddenly he was gone.

You can't help but cringe at the words mashed together with good intentions (probably similar to the dreaded turnip casserole that shows up uninvited at holiday dinner tables) - partly because you said it to other people who suffered losses, but now you realize how the hollow words echo in their unintended emptiness - "You have to move on" or "Your dad wouldn't want you to be sad" or "It'll get easier."  Of course they are spoken with genuine kindness behind them (and thank you for them) - but I think I would prefer words of wisdom like: "Drink an extra glass of wine" or "Eat your weight in chocolate" or even the simple, perversely encouraging, "Life sucks."

 To quote Dave Matthews, "The space between the tears we cry, is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more."  I like that.  I like it because it's true.  The love, laughter, the friends and family make it (it being the sucky parts of life that we'd rather not deal with) worthwhile.  There is more joy in my life than sorrow.  But (and it's a big but - not "butt" in case you were reading this and immediately your mind flew to my behind) my dad's journey from life, into Heaven, has left a ragged, gaping hole that hurts to peer into. You can't help but squint deeply into the void and hope that eventually, when I look into that darkness, a memory that makes me smile flits through it.  

So, that is my plan to 'Break Sad.'  I will keep schlecking (made up this word because I felt like it) good memories of my dad into that pit, until it is full to the brim of the blessings he brought me and my family.  So when my breath gets snagged on a reminder of him, Steven Butler, that triggers an ache in my chest, I can smile instead of swiping at the tears.

So, I am expecting my next post to be a light-hearted time-waster...or time-filler if you're really bored....or, if you wanted to really boost my spirits - you could refer to the next posting as completely uplifting, motivating, and so deeply thoughtful that after reading it your heart and mind grew 2 sizes larger.  (You could say 3 sizes to really be kind...too much?)

I can't believe it but...writing this has actually made me feel a bit better.  

 

Thank you readers, and especially KS for your constant encouragement,

 

 

Hug your dads and moms, folks,

 

Kathy Pettit :)

Kindly Refrain From Getting Lost

Are you lost?  Don't be.  Step forward, straighten up those lovely shoulders and BE who you are.  Finding yourself is way overrated!  Creating yourself, however, is way more fun - and less stressful!  I mean, what if you kept looking for your little old self aimlessly and never, ever found it?  The last thing you want is to be sitting in your rocker, your white hair gleaming in the sun, shaking your fist at the air regretting you never found you.  (Psst....I've got a secret little old self in rocker - I found you - you're in the rocker!  Revel in being you!) 

We all work hard to carve out a small niche in this world that we can lay claim to do.  We do it with the people we surround ourselves with, the home we warm with our presence, and the difference we make in the lives of those around us.  I'm no artist - but to think of the possibilities available through CREATING myself kinda makes me excited.  I mean I could be really great.  Not just regular great.  REALLY great!  And I hate being lost.  I have no sense of direction (DD and hubby - no giggling!) and have a tendency to get muddled quite easily.  If I tried to go "and find myself" I could be gone for a very long time!!  Finding myself sounds like way more work than just creating me. 

Now, read this next part in a whispery voice in your head so as not to alert the 'establishment' (I have no idea what people are referring to when they talk about the 'establishment - but it sounds impressive!): I may say I am going to find myself...because I need some peace and quiet.  It's a lie.  But I flash my creative licensing card to take full advantage.  AND if I get 'lost' on the way - you can rest assured it was at cozy coffee joint or at a small bistro serving crisp glasses of white wine (maybe with a good friend).  But that kind of lost just helps the creative process along.  It takes time to make a masterpiece!

Love yourself, friends.  You are each a work of art.

I can't believe it but...I hope I haven't alerted the 'establishment'! 

Happy creating,

Kathy Pettit :)

A Place for Everything...and Everything Not in its Place

I'd like to start by pointing out (much to the dismay of myself and hubby) that this is NOT an image of our woodpile.  This is like a work of art, not like the lumpy, clumpy jumble that we have stacked for the impending cold weather. 

But when I saw this image it got me thinking about order and the lack of it that seems to have invaded my cupboards, storage areas and my life in general.  It snuck in like an autumn leaf on the bottom of an unsuspecting shoe.  My sense of order has been infected with a lack of time, resources and (if I'm completely honest) shortage of good old-fashioned gumption! 

My linen closet has become an incestuous mix of towels AND bedding on the same shelves (oh!  The shame and horror!), our garage looks much like a before ad on a Canadian Tire commercial, and my normally well-organized Christmas storage room (yes, that is another blog for another day - I have a storage room devoted entirely to the Christmas season...everyone has a weakness - right?!) looks like a preview for the show Hoarders!  Which I'm not (with that one sticky exception of Christmas decorations...)!

When we had a smaller house - we were forced to keep ourselves organized.  Bigger house = more room for the accumulation of junk (minus the Christmas decorations - definitely not junk!) and more room to spread ourselves out.  This growth - combined with having our third hooligan child - is a recipe for chaos.  I had a discussion with my boss about how much life changes when the kids outnumber the parents.  My Martha Stewart died when Coconut came along...she shriveled up like a California Raisin.  I'm okay with that - because the truth is I don't really need to have crafts cluttering my space.  What I'm not okay with is the crazy way I have forgotten my neurotic organizing behaviour.  It disappeared.  And that darned behaviour took away my time when it ran away.

So if you happen to stop by and notice the scattered way I have piled up my serving bowls or you go to grab a towel and end up with a fitted sheet - don't judge.  Rather, offer to babysit my perfect angels which would give me the opportunity to have some "free" time to re-organize! 

A long weekend is fast-approaching - maybe I'll squeeze in some re-organizing time.  Or not....

I can't believe it but...I gave you peak inside my linen closet!

Kathy Pettit

 

Writing a Book is Like Building a Fence

Weird title.  I know.  But because recently I finished the second draft of my novel, and I ALSO just finished building a fence, I couldn't help but notice a few similarities between the two!   Yeah, yeah - I have an odd way of correlating random things - I know...

Firstly, the words and characters in my story lay in a jumbled heap in the centre of my tiny brain - not unlike the pile of wood delivered to my driveway.  The letters of said words begged to be woven into a tale that thrilled and enticed the reader - but it required thought, time and energy to make that happen.  There were no shortcuts or quick fixes...just ideas that had to be laid out in a specific way that made sense. A dose of patience and advice from friends and family who read my scribing came in handy, because it is difficult to be truly objective with your own work.

The fence also required some planning and measuring...and hard, sweaty work!  Luckily for us we have friends and family that are really handy and smart and awesome and reliable and freakin' cool (okay - going overboard - but they did a lot!!) so it made the task easier to accomplish!  While hubby and I knew what we wanted, we also are smart enough to know we needed serious help.   

Which brings me back to my story...having actually completed my book (hooray!!!) I entered the first few chapters into a large writers contest, assuming I wouldn't win (but, let's be honest - hoping!) but rather looking for some feedback that wasn't from people that would feel awkward being completely honest with me.  I know I can't do it alone - just like building the fence, I need help building a solid piece of writing.  Extra eyes finding potential errors, advice from experts that know what they're talking about - I'm not above asking for help!  I know my limitations and humble enough to admit them and to listen to other people's advice.  In fact, I truly appreciate it! 

Imagining what our fence would look like without the expertise of others causes me to giggle at the potential outcomes that could have been.  Thank God for my friends and family!  I also have to thank the judges who read my entry.  My report card included some very good ideas for getting my book ready for the publishing world.  Ideas that will really elevate my story to the next level.  (For those wondering - my scores were 70, 73 and 74% - which makes me feel like I am totally on the right track!)

So, layin' it out - I'm not perfect.  I know it.  I appreciate constructive criticism and suggestions that can help me better whatever it is I am working on.  Whether it is a fence, my novel, or a recipe that needs a little oomph - planning, friends, family and an open mind - will help me make it a success!

I can't believe it but...I'm like a sponge absorbing everyone else's expertise.  One day I may even be an expert at something!  (Now that's a funny thought!)

Happy building whatever the heck you're working on :)

Kathy Pettit

I Did it...But Was 'It' Good Enough?!

For those few that have been following my journey, I have done it!

With the encouragement of friends, family and a little motivation from the occasional (cough) bottle glass of wine and the copious consumption of my kryptonite (which happens to chocolate!) - I submitted a book for The Catherine Literary Contest with the Romance Writer Association of America!  It was approved, as they were only accepting a selected number of entries - which is the first step in the right direction. 

How did this all start?  Well, I have a fantasy novel mapped out, of which I have about 400 hand-written pages I completed in 2007.  Earlier this year I decided it was high time to get it 'officially' started.  27,000 words of it have been weaved into the fiction novel, with a heck of a lot more to go.  But, I stopped work on it - just temporarily - as I felt the pull towards the romance genre.  I blame my friend (D.D.D. - totally referring to you!), who is currently in final edit stages of her own romance book, who got me thinking more about the romance scene.  Coincidentally, after chatting with her, I had a dream about a farmer named Noah (it's okay - it was only a dream)...and from that moment the character began taking on a life of his own.  I couldn't stop writing his story.  I am addicted, and it has become a focus of every spare minute I have (which to be honest - does not equal a lot of minutes!).  However, I have been able to write about 57,000 words of my novel in about three short months - and I am finishing up the ending in the next few weeks.  My submission to The Catherine was only 7500 words, which includes my synopsis - so I cross every body part that I can that the 'hook' is strong enough to get the authors, agents and publishers that judge the work to WANT to read more!  And I have to take the time to thank my hubby, colleagues, and friends for their feedback/editing on the preliminary edition of my novel.  Every single one of you that touched the story - I appreciate it immensely!

It is interesting creating these characters from scratch - their likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses...figuring out what makes them tick.  Being a female and writing the role of that 'perfect' man, has it's challenges.  As hubby edited the 7500 words, he would look up at me, his eyebrows raised, a smile teasing the corner of his mouth, working his red pen across the pages.  I would smile back, wondering to myself what will happen down the road when he eventually gets to the juicy bits??!!  In reading and writing these kind of books, are we setting ourselves up to be eternally disappointed with the actual males we come across?  Do we set those expectations so high that it is an impossibly difficult target to reach?  As women, do we need to lower our romantic expectations on the poor men in our lives?  I don't know.  But sometimes, a part of me thinks that if men read those books, and acted like the good guys, they might just have the perfect (and pretty secret - as I don't know any man that reads them - YET!) formula for how to act, think and behave to get their perfect girl.  And, if they followed it, maybe, just maybe, they would have the best marriages and happiest wives on the planet!  Just a thought...so maybe for Father's Day ladies, grab your hubby a steamy romance novel and highlight the parts that matter most.  Subtle?  No...but possibly the best investment you could ever make!

I can't believe it but...I  have officially entered a manuscript and may one day fulfil a dream of becoming an author!

Happy reading,

Kathy Pettit (note: I decided to use my full name, Katherine L. Pettit as my official author name !)