Breaking Sad

The seconds, minutes, hours, days, and weeks, have now pushed measuring our grief in months.  He was here, existing, living, laughing, and an actual person that was really important in my life...and suddenly he was gone.

You can't help but cringe at the words mashed together with good intentions (probably similar to the dreaded turnip casserole that shows up uninvited at holiday dinner tables) - partly because you said it to other people who suffered losses, but now you realize how the hollow words echo in their unintended emptiness - "You have to move on" or "Your dad wouldn't want you to be sad" or "It'll get easier."  Of course they are spoken with genuine kindness behind them (and thank you for them) - but I think I would prefer words of wisdom like: "Drink an extra glass of wine" or "Eat your weight in chocolate" or even the simple, perversely encouraging, "Life sucks."

 To quote Dave Matthews, "The space between the tears we cry, is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more."  I like that.  I like it because it's true.  The love, laughter, the friends and family make it (it being the sucky parts of life that we'd rather not deal with) worthwhile.  There is more joy in my life than sorrow.  But (and it's a big but - not "butt" in case you were reading this and immediately your mind flew to my behind) my dad's journey from life, into Heaven, has left a ragged, gaping hole that hurts to peer into. You can't help but squint deeply into the void and hope that eventually, when I look into that darkness, a memory that makes me smile flits through it.  

So, that is my plan to 'Break Sad.'  I will keep schlecking (made up this word because I felt like it) good memories of my dad into that pit, until it is full to the brim of the blessings he brought me and my family.  So when my breath gets snagged on a reminder of him, Steven Butler, that triggers an ache in my chest, I can smile instead of swiping at the tears.

So, I am expecting my next post to be a light-hearted time-waster...or time-filler if you're really bored....or, if you wanted to really boost my spirits - you could refer to the next posting as completely uplifting, motivating, and so deeply thoughtful that after reading it your heart and mind grew 2 sizes larger.  (You could say 3 sizes to really be kind...too much?)

I can't believe it but...writing this has actually made me feel a bit better.  

 

Thank you readers, and especially KS for your constant encouragement,

 

 

Hug your dads and moms, folks,

 

Kathy Pettit :)

Distract the Guards – I’ll Book Us out of Here!

Costa Rican Sunrise, taken July 16, 2013

Raising three homemade monsters is, well, mind-numbing.  Don’t get me wrong – we love them dearly – and, well, go ahead and judge – we needed an escape from them!  Hubby has lost more than a few hairs from their antics and unfortunately, the occasional (ahem, okay, okay – I’ll be honest with you folks – the frequent) grey hair has made an unwelcomed appearance on my head.  The two of us looked forward to some uninterrupted time to look deep into each other’s eyes, and make wild, passionate love like we did when we were younger (apology to my family for flinging open the bedroom door without warning!).  And then, 10 minutes later (all me – no reflection on Peter!), we eagerly anticipated a shallow conversation about absolutely nothing without the presence of burps, farts, interjections about Barbie or Iron man or whining about a misbehaving sibling. 

So we planned a jailbreak and roped in some family with assurances that our kids are lovely, perfect and never a problem to keep guard of our most precious (and obnoxious) possessions.  The plan worked.  I wrote out the game plan in sidewalk chalk on the driveway of how it would work and we conned our captors (Peach, Pickle and Coconut) to give us a leave out of our asylum for 7 days on good behavior.

We like adventure – and good weather, yummy food, nice people, and beautiful surroundings – not too demanding, eh?!  There was only one answer to our quest – Costa Rica!  Lush green mountains, interesting wildlife, and the opportunity to do some really amazing things sold us. 

So we hugged our critters and left them in the care of people who love them very much…and we boarded a plane headed for paradise.  Details will follow, but know this – it was worth the tears spilled over missing their interruptions, their farts, burps and their request for a referee.  I cherished every moment with hubby – having real conversations like we used to, holding hands, laughing at the cast of characters we met along the way.  But the momma part of me still missed the pieces of her that lived, breathed and existed without her being near.  But for hubby and I – it was a blessed recharge to a busy life. 

I can’t believe it but…we had a jailbreak (cue AC/DC) and voluntarily returned!

Happy recharging your batteries,

Kathy Pettit

An Order of Romance...Would You Like Kids With That?!

Valentine's Day is not the same when you have been blessed with children.  The romance is less romantic.  The silence is non-existent.  The chocolate box is swarmed and devoured by the kids.  The intimate dinner - actually - I am not sure this even exists!  I love my kids - don't judge! But I also would love to spend time with Hubby without being interrupted with fun facts about Josh Hutcherson or the ins and outs of fourth grade drama.

So, we weave some attempt at romance when the kids are otherwise occupied. We eat a family friendly meal, listen to the jokes and tribulations of the day, while we sip wine with our macaroni and cheese dinner.  We casually look at our watches and remind the kids that bedtime is coming.  We try hard to drink just enough wine to pretend we are celebrating, and not too much that we fall asleep when the kids do.  We wait patiently for the sandman to lull the hooligans into a deep sleep.  Then we celebrate in the quiet of the night with more wine and each other. 

Maybe this is real romance.  The stuff that builds the foundation of our relationship.  Maybe when our kids have grown, and have left the house, we will find Valentine's Day a little too quiet.  Right now it sounds tempting, but knowing we always want what we don't have - I am sure we will miss it.  And after they start their families, they'll need to dump their kids somewhere so they can celebrate the day smothered in romance - I'll bet the first people they call is Grandma and Grandpa.  So our Valentine's Day will evolve yet again.

Maybe that's what it's about.  Not just the romance, but the deep love we have (most of the time!) for our kids and for the family we created.  That, and of course, the wine.  Because wine makes everything a titsch better...

I can't believe it but...I admitted to drinking wine AND eating macaroni at the same time!

Happy romancing,

Kathy Pettit

But I Don't Wanna!

 

Do I have to?  It's not fair!  Why?  I imagine whining those statements, stomping my adult-sized foot and perfecting the grown-up pouty face.  Attempting that behaviour might not be the most attractive thing I could do...barring an incident that I will refer to as "lets-never-speak-of-this-again" (don't ask - I won't tell!)! 

 

 

But I can't.  Because apparently (still debatable), I'm an adult.  I am too "mature" to ask questions that get answered with lines like, "Because I said so."  Really, I can't ask because I already know the answers to those questions.  The beautiful thing about children is their innocence.  They can't answer any of their own questions - because they don't KNOW the answers.  It's actually an amazing gift to be blessed with.  That is the reason kids are so happy!  They have no idea what the real world has in store for them. They can change their situation when they stomp their foot.  They can alter a decision made by an exhausted parent with a really cute pouty lip.  They know they can grind away at a "no" with persistence and wear it down to a "maybe", and then, after a little more work can expect an exasperated "yes."  Kids are smart. 

 

Those moments, when I take off my disguise of the high-heels, the pantyhose, and put down my briefcase...I can be myself again.  A big kid. 

 

I can't believe it but...you all know my secret - I'm a pretend adult!

Happy childhood memories!

 

 

Kathy Pettit



Mission (Im)Possible?

Every now and then I have check the map and make sure we are headed in the right direction.  (Now, I am "mapically" challenged, but you'll get where I'm headed.)  I feel a little bit like we have veered off the intended path and are headed in the wrong direction.

The "slinging sisters" (and by slinging I mean fists and insults) and the "handy" man (and by handy I mean a little too hands on!) are starting to let their emotions get the better of them.  I'm not paid to referee, nor do I find the job very appealing!  So - Hubby and I have come up with Pledge or Mission Statement for our family.

Families are like a small business.  Money is exchanged, goods and services are changed hands, people get tired of their job....and when they get tired they stop caring.  Like all good businesses, having a mission statement, or a plan is vital to its success.  We felt it was time to come up with a Family Mission Statement to strengthen our resolve to be better parents and raise kind, generous individuals who will be engaging contributors to the future.  So, unbeknownst to them, our next family meeting will introduce this concept to them.  We will hang it on every floor in our house.  When we feel the referee whistle come out, we will guide all parties involved over to the poster and get them to read it out loud.  We are hoping that the messages hit home, and they can see beyond their minute grievances and stop the anger.  We will encourage them to use it to redirect Hubby and I, if they feel we are not living up the set out expectations.  (That should be interesting!) 

So Pickle, Peach and Coconut better be prepared for the mission ahead of them.  However, encouraging them to commit everything they do with kindness in mind - cannot be bad.  Wish us luck in this venture - and think about committing to paper your own family mission statement.

I can't believe it but...I am hoping those words make us better, kinder individuals!

Happy Mission Planning,

Kathy Pettit

Why Explore the Tree...The Nest is So Comfy?!

It starts with diapers.  And tiny feet, wrapped in tiny socks that won't stay on.  The soft, downy head cupped gently in your hand...smelling of baby shampoo and newness.  Hands that seem to belong on a doll clutching your finger so tightly you wonder where that strength comes from.

Then, you wake up one morning, roll over bleary-eyed, look at the alarm clock and blink back shock that it's not 4am and your little one actually made it past 7am.  What seems like a week later, sunlight streams into your room, and when you check the time it's past 8...you smell toast...hear the happy chatter of kids discussing the best plan of attack to squeeze every bit of joy from their Saturday.  You sit up, shake the sleepies from your head and reflect back to the time of diapers and tiny feet wrapped in socks. 

Time in the nest is skewed.  At times you want to rush the daily routine that has you feeling exhausted...but when it slips by it's hard not to miss.  The nest is warm, safe and home.  But like all young, the call of freedom rings loudly over the treetops.  The pull of stepping out of the nest is normal, and trying to explain to the little ones that the timing has to be just right to encourage them onto that first branch.  Family traditions will have to evolve to allow for some first flights.  But right now I can't let go.  My Peach, Pickle and Coconut belong snuggled in the nest, under the wing of a watchful Mom and Dad.  One step at a time.

The moment, I know, is around the corner.  The moment when they look back with a smile and step off the branch - wings spread wide, confident and prepared.  Until then I will try and cherish each moment and each day. 

I can't believe it but...I miss diapers!

Happy cherishing,

Kathy Pettit

Canning, Panning and Fanning

If you're wondering based on the title what this blog is about...you're not alone! I have no idea either...I have it all planned out to make some sense in a non-sensical way.  You'll see.  Bear with me.  I was in a very rhymonious (not sure if that's a word, but I'm runnin' with it!) mood, AND I'm canning AND I'm blogging, AND there are 6 children running around my house at this exact moment whilst my 5 year old son, Coconut is crying his eyes out, AND my hubby is chatting with me with me about various desserts he wants to make...at which I am nodding encouragingly hoping he'll head to the kitchen and whip something up.

News Flash Readers: He just turned on the TV so dessert is off the radar....

Anyhow...I'm canning..and I'm panning, thinking I need a second canning pot for the machine that is me....and I am hot and slightly bothered so I am fanning myself.  I'm also trying REALLY hard to ignore the demands of the 6 children...don't worry no one is hurt!!

I have become a little obsessed  focused with my canning.  Here's the list so far this season:

Peach Melba Jam, Honeyed Peaches, Lemony Blueberry Jam, Watermelon Pickles, Zucchini Relish, Applesauce, Apple Onion and Maple Relish, Sweet Dilled Pickles, Def Jam (cherry, strawberry and blueberry jam), and just 15 minutes ago - Tipsy Black Forest Preserves.

My goal this year is to not give anyone botulism.  If I shared some goodies with you - let me know if I can checkoff this goal as completed.  My second goal is to make some pretty darn good stuff.  I am canning while the veggies and fruits are cheap.  The downside is my kids keep eating all of my preserved stuff that is supposed to take us through winter!  Eat a fresh peach already...gosh!

I can't believe it but.....I am multi-tasking and accomplishing! 

Keeping it all together,

Kathy Pettit

Nag or Coach...The Answer is Obvious to me!

Who are you callin' a nag?

Who called me a NAG? Me...I have a different viewpoint. I’m not sure why people see it from that angle…I’m trying to help…trying to make things go smoother. I like to think of myself as a Household Coach. I’m there by your side reminding you of your next move…guiding you towards success…making sure you leave no man (or dirty laundry) behind! I rally behind you like no one else! How can you fail? Well, obviously you can fail by NOT listening to your Coach. If you don’t listen to The Coach – then I nag coach some more. And it ain't pretty! Unlike a sports team, my coaching is free. I don’t invoice my family for my expertise or my time. I don’t charge them for giving them the best move in any given scenario. I do it out of love (and, to be honest, to get the job done right the first time!).

Like any Coach, sometimes I may come off a little strong. Possibly a little hard-headed (but just a little!). I mean well. In life you have to learn to listen instructions and follow the rules. My kids should be thankful for the guidance :) If my kids Pickle, Peach or Coconut (not their real names - seriously - were you thinking that!?? In case your kids are named that, I will defer to the ever popular Seinfeld removing-foot-from-mouth line, "Not that there's anything wrong with that!") or my husband happen across this post...know this: I coach because I love.

In the meantime I will accept either title from a complete stranger. But, if you ever overhear my children or hubby using the term “nag” – gently remind them that “coach” is the preferred reference.

I can't believe it but...I think I've coined a new modern term for nagging!!

Happy parenting!

Kathy Pettit