I'm talking about toilet paper, people! You all have to know which one I am referring to....the vehicle-sized wheel of scratchiness that is mounted on almost every stall in our great country! Where the paper is so thin that is virtually impossible to actually pull down the size you need without every single square breaking off along the way.
Why, people? Why must our tushies suffer the injustice? If you are a business owner and citing "saving money" or "cutting costs" as your excuse for rasping our gentle derrieres - you are sadly mistaken! Rather than force us users to eek out square by square in excessive amounts of toilet paper - offer 2 ply! I can guarantee we use WAY more than we need in order to reduce the risk of "poke through!" We avoid the dreaded "poke through" by using a scientific method in which we wad up 3 times as much toilet paper as we need to prevent any such unsavoury accident from occurring. Therefore, dearest business owner, you aren't really saving a penny.
Going forward, please consider supporting this worthy cause of protecting our fanny's from unnecessary rawness.
I can't believe it but...I may have started a revolution! Long live 2 ply!